I have been following the work of Gabor Maté for many years and was delighted to get the opportunity to see him in Dublin recently.
Maté’s work is very much about resolving trauma, and so much of what he said resonated with me in the work that I do using EFT.
Of course, EFT helps with top line stress and anxiety but it goes much deeper than that.
We all aware of what Maté calls the big ‘T’ traumas and what they are (and if you have experienced any of these, I do hope that you are getting support with this).
But very often, we dismiss the smaller traumas that have happened to us – what he calls those small ‘t’ traumas. These can be the foundations for the negative beliefs that we have about ourselves.
As Maté says, it is not the trauma, but the wound that it leaves.
What Are Small ‘t’ traumas?:
Think about a 5 year old who is asked to read in front of the class.
They make a mistake and everyone starts laughing at them.
While we would say now as adults, that it’s not a big deal, but to a 5 year old, it is a HUGE deal.
So many times, I have worked with clients who have difficulty speaking up, expressing themselves, feeling that they are not good enough. Very often, they have their own version of this type of story which we clear using EFT.
By working on these past memories and clearing the emotions, we can change what we believe about ourselves.
Some notes I wrote down:
There was so much good stuff on the day, but here are some of the things that stood out for me:
- You always marry someone who is at the same level of trauma.
Whoa! What?!! Well, that’s certainly one to think about!
- Not having your needs met is a source of trauma.
This, I am guessing, is one that many of us may not have considered.
- You can have attachment or authenticity. And we may at times choose attachment rather than being our true selves.
Of course, we all have a basic need for attachment. However, when this gets out of balance, and we are constantly having to suppress our thoughts, feelings and emotions, that’s when the trouble starts.
Again, something to ponder on.
So, where do we go with all of this? How can we change?
First of all, I do recommend that if you are having difficulties, and have experienced trauma it is always good to talk to a professional.
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However, there are some questions that Maté poses which might be useful in getting you to first of all, have an awareness, and then maybe you can start to make small changes that can help to bring about greater wellbeing for you.
Here are Mate’s questions (from my rough notes):
- This week, where did I not say no, or where did I suppress a feeling?
- What’s the impact on myself of me saying not saying no?
Even just checking in with yourself every so often and asking yourself these questions, is likely to have a beneficial effect. And once you have an awareness, then you can make a choice.
He then goes further with these questions:
- What is the belief behind not saying no?
- Where did I learn that belief?
- Who would I be if I didn’t believe that?
- Where am I not saying yes?
Food for thought eh?! And you could always speak to someone to tease these out.
It was interesting, I had an encounter this week, and afterwards I really didn’t feel good.
And then I realised that I hadn’t fully expressed how I was feeling, and it made me stop and think. Afterwards, I did some tapping to clear the emotion and more importantly to see what it had triggered in me.
I feel now that I am better prepared if the situation arises again.
Why don’t you try it out and let me know how you get on?