Self ConfidenceLearn how to heal your low self esteem
People regularly come to me with issues around self-confidence.
One of the key questions that I ask people struggling with their confidence is what is the belief that they have about themselves? Usually the answer that comes back is something like:
- I’m not good enough…
- I don’t deserve…
- I’m not worthy/worth it…
- If people knew what I was really like, then they wouldn’t think I was so great…
… you get the picture!
Self-confidence can be very closely linked to anxiety and fears, and working on these can help with your confidence. As with all issues that I am working on with a client, the key is to get to the root of where this lack of self-confidence has come from.
Think about it, when you were a baby, you didn’t have the thought ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I don’t deserve’ etc so, this thought or belief had to come from somewhere. Something must have happened.
My job is to help you to find out where that came from and to work with this. The answer isn’t always apparent straight away, and sometimes you have to peel back the layers, and work on each layer as it comes up.
When I met Sarah, she was plodding along in her job. She saw people all around her being promoted. Sarah knew that she was definitely more capable than some of them, and that what she lacked was confidence. Even though she got praise from her manager, she had a lot of doubts about herself, and kept ‘waiting to be found out’.
There were many opportunities available to her but she felt that she wasn’t good enough to go for them, or if she did, she wouldn’t perform well in the interview because in her heart she really felt that she didn’t deserve it. She was tired of beating herself up and the listening to the endless negative chatter that she had in her head.
We started by working on general anxiety and situations that caused her to feel anxiety. With the tapping we were able to clear some of the anxiety and she started to relax. Then we worked to go a little bit deeper to see where this feeling came from.
Sarah came from a large family and was the youngest. And while no one ever said that she didn’t deserve, wasn’t worth it etc, because there was so much going on in the family, she felt that she was sort of forgotten about.
Also, she didn’t really want to be seen, and tried to take up as little space as possible (and she got praise for being such a ‘good girl’), but this was at the expense of herself.
It led her to feeling that she wasn’t important, didn’t deserve things and wasn’t good enough. As Sarah was not the type of person to make a fuss, this compounded the situation. By the end of our work together, Sarah’s confidence had improved dramatically and she started to feel really good about herself.
With this new found confidence, Sarah felt so confident about ‘being seen’ that she took the step of setting up her own business which is going really well for her.
Fiona came to me as she had a lot of anxiety. She constantly felt panicked and unable to cope with everyday tasks. She knew that she was well able to do her job, but she stumbled over even simple tasks and she never left her comfort zone as it made her feel vulnerable and unsafe.
Her family relied on her a lot and she was constantly answering phone calls from them, sorting through their problems and she was just exhausted.
With our work together, Fiona realised that she really lacked confidence, mainly as a result of childhood experiences, and this was making her feel very anxious.
We identified and worked through the major experiences from her childhood and at the end of our work together, she felt much more confident, was able to let people take responsibility for their own problems and was much more relaxed in her work.
Here is what she had to say:
‘I found our sessions to be very beneficial and always left there feeling so calm & better able to face any obstacles that came my way. I had always ignored my own needs but was there to help others. I have now become much more assertive saying no to others and yes to myself and am feeling so much happier.
I realise now I was blocking so much happiness because I felt I didn’t deserve it & I was not good enough. I never left my comfort zone as it made me feel vulnerable & unsafe. All this has changed, I am now more open to possibilities and because I have learned how to eliminate negative beliefs I am now attracting positive things in my life.
I have just purchased my perfect home and life could not be better at the moment. I genuinely feel it would not have been possible without your help. You gave me the courage & self-belief to go for it & for this I am truly grateful. I am so excited about the future for the first time in ages.’
I want to wish you every happiness for the future & I’m sure you will be there to offer your help and guidance to many more people in the years ahead.
Can EFT help you cope with anxiety? Book Your Free 15 Minute Clarity Call.
If you are struggling with anxiety and would like to see if the Emotional Freedom Technique can help – book your free 15 minute clarity call with Grainne to see what EFT can do for you.
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