As part of my own self-care regime, I regularly go for kinesiology, massage etc. During one of these visits, I saw a poster on 12 tips to self-care.
Life is busy and we are all running around so it is good to take a step back and look at what you are doing to look after yourself.
I didn’t necessarily resonate with everything they said but here’s what I do.
1. Take time just to be
I’m just back from holidays. As per usual, I got dug into a couple of books.
Mid way through the second week I had read 7 (yes 7!) books.
Then it dawned on me that I wasn’t feeling very relaxed and I could be anywhere reading these books. Not only that, I was missing out on all of the loveliness that Corfu had to offer.
With that in mind, I just stopped and didn’t read anything for a whole day. Most of the day was spent looking at the beautiful sea view and just allowing myself time to be and do nothing. That night I slept like a log so I really dialed down the reading for the rest of the time.
Now that I am back home, I have continued this and have really cut down on my non-necessary reading, looking at the phone, tv, radio etc and I have to say, I feel the better for it. Definitely feeling more in balance and rested.
2. Are you going towards fear or love?
We all have a long list of what we ‘should’ do – eat the right foods, meditate, exercise, tap…. the list goes on. But are we doing something out of fear – OMG, if I don’t do this then x will happen – or are we doing it out of love for ourselves – I think I’d really like to have quiet time for myself.
So, when you are wondering about doing something, ask yourself are you going towards fear or towards love.
Sometimes the right thing to do is to stay in bed for the day and eat cream cakes, rather than all the ‘should’s’! Be kind to yourself!
3. Invest in yourself
People often find it difficult to spend money on themselves. They’d prefer to spend it on their children, on sensible things or they just feel guilty about spending on themselves.
Here’s the thing – investing in yourself is ALWAYS a good investment.
It reminds you that you are important so you can continue to provide whatever support others need from you.
Personally, I go to a kinesiologist every 3 months, have regular mentoring and support, I’ve joined a monthly business support network as well as things like hair, nails, massage etc.
They all help me to be the best that I can be.
4. Be aware of what you give your attention to
We often allow ourselves to get sucked into the drama of what is going on whether it is in our personal lives, through the media (Donald Trump, Brexit etc etc).
It is not about sticking your head in the sand and pretending that nothing is happening, but remember, the time that you spend obsessing about ‘The Donald’ or Brexit, could be spent on something nicer.
Do you feel good after reading / watching all of this, or do you feel a bit yeuch? It’s your choice!
5. Be aware of who you give your attention to
Again, there may be people in our lives that we are supporting who can zap our energy.
It is fine to be there to support people but do make sure that you carve in some time for the relationships that fill you up rather than deplete you – so people who are genuinely pleased to see you, support you and that you really feel good after seeing them.
6. Fill up your batteries
Like many of us, you probably have a lot of commitments and obligations. Great – go ahead and do what you need to do. Remember, that you do need to make sure that you are charging up your own batteries. Do something that fills you with joy, makes you laugh or just makes you feel good about yourself.
It would be interesting to analyse your day and see how much time you spend doing things for the benefit of others versus how much for yourself. You might be surprised at what you find.
7. Speak kindly to yourself and about yourself
If someone spoke to us the way we speak to ourselves a lot of the time, we would give them short shrift. So why do we torture ourselves?
Ask yourself, do I have a home crowd in my head cheering me on, on an away crowd booing me at every turn.
You have the power and you can change the channel to a home crowd. If it’s too big a jump to have a complete home crowd in your head, do it gradually.
Have a few away supporters leave and gradually bring in more of a home crowd and full of people who support you.
8. Ask for help or what you need – and be specific
No one likes a martyr – and usually the only person who cares about what you are doing is you.
If you need help, ask for it and remember to be specific.
Asking someone vaguely to help out more around the house means very different things to different people.
If you want them to wash up after every meal, take out the bins, mow the lawn…. Be specific. Most people aren’t mind readers.
9. Say no
Saying yes to yourself is always the right thing to do. It probably goes against the grain to do this as many of us were taught to be people pleasers.
So if saying no to someone means saying yes to yourself, then it is the right thing to do for you.
I had started writing this post before I went on holidays and was putting myself under huge pressure.
For my own self-care, I just put it aside and said that it can wait until next month, so here I am, one month late… and guess what? The world didn’t end because I delayed.
10. And the other side is….say yes!
We can be very good at talking ourselves out of things saying things like…. They probably are only asking me because they have to, they don’t really want to hear from me, they’d prefer it if I wasn’t there, they’re just trying to be nice to me, people like me don’t belong in that class/group etc etc etc.
Try to imagine, if you didn’t have this fear, this worry, what would you do?
I recently was wondering about reaching out to a couple of people and I had spun a whole sorry saga in my head as to why I shouldn’t do it.
Then I wondered, if I didn’t feel any fear, what would I do? And the answer was, I’d reach out.
So, rather than being governed by fear, I just went for it.
Now, I haven’t heard back from them but I’m still glad I reached out. The ball is in their court.
11. Learn from your mistakes – don’t beat yourself up about them
We are often very hard on ourselves – expecting perfection and beating ourselves up when we make a mistake.
The thing is that EVERYONE makes mistakes and they are only mistakes if you don’t learn from them and keep making the same one over and over again.
Brené Brown talks about allowing yourself to be vulnerable and giving yourself permission to make mistakes. And that the only way you can be creative is to not be afraid to make mistakes. Think about it, you can’t be creative if you are worrying about making mistakes all the time.
You messed up – big deal. Chances are that if it’s a biggie, you will have learnt a big lesson and will never do it again.
In the words of Samuel Beckett, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
12. Prioritise your sleep
Everything is better after a good night’s sleep. I have my alarm set for 10 in the evening as a reminder to start thinking about going to bed. My natural rhythm is to go to bed early and wake up early.
Over the last while, this had gone out of sync I think probably to do with my brother’s death and the hangover from that.
I have found that by switching my mind off from tv, radio, internet etc, my mind is much more relaxed and I am sleeping so well!
So, what is your natural sleep rhythm and how can you support it?
And finally, it is always good to be reminded of the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
If you are having a hard time looking after yourself and want to change this, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or on 00353 87 629 7207.
EFT Level 1 Training 28 & 29 September
My last training was full and I had a great group again (see feedback at the end of this email).
If you would like to join or if you want to find out more information, please click on the link here:
Have a good week and until next time…..
Here is what some of the past course attendees have said about my course:
I can’t recommend EFT training with Grainne enough. My experience was so positive from beginning to end. I feel I have taken away so much from the weekend, an invaluable tool that will help me continue on my healing journey. The course has really shone light on some of the things I have been working on and with EFT I feel I can now fully process the emotions that are left to be cleared! I had many realisations over the weekend which were complete light bulb moments that have pieced a lot of the puzzle together for me. I am going to continue to Tap and look forward to level 2.
It flowed so seamlessly and had the perfect mix of theory and practice. Grainne’s teaching style is particularly enjoyable – much more grounded than I was expecting.
I’d highly recommend this course to anyone looking for a practical and grounded introduction to EFT with a wonderful teacher.
I absolutely loved the course. I loved feeling empowered to deal with my own issues. Lots of practical exercises.
It was very interesting and informative. I felt that Grainne is a very experienced and knowledgeable teacher and the weekend was so enjoyable. I learnt loads.